Life's statistics

In the midst of helping a friend take care of her lawn while she had relocated halfway across the country I spent some time talking with her next door neighbor; an older man in his mid 70's. He reminded me of an older version of my father with his white hair riding around on his tractor. He was a friendly man, his piercing blue eyes twinkled as he talked about his past and he was more than willing to start up a conversation with a complete stranger. He wore a straw hat and a pair of black pants that were being held up by rainbow suspenders that covered his bare chest. The rainbow suspenders didn't fit his masculine, Vermont farmer persona.  The suspenders and his blue eyes seemed to be the only difference between this older man and the younger version of my father I remembered before he passed. 

We talked about many things as he helped me pick up the lawn and later helped me mow with his riding tractor. A gesture my father would have also done. We talked about his days in the Navy and his love for that branch of service. We talked about his time as a "young boy" referring to his 30s when he spent some time in northern Maine doing odd jobs for employment.  We discussed my one year old son who was trying desperately to be a part of the adult conversation and we discussed the health of his wife.

His wife had COPD (Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease).  He explained that she had quit smoking decades ago but "it eventually caught up to her." I could see the sadness in his face when he told me that she had to be hooked up to an oxygen tank all the time. She was bound to the house. "She isn't able to do anything except to sit there" he said shaking his head with disappointment. He had obviously been an active man his whole life by the stories he had just told me. I made the assumption that his wife had been the same way. We spoke briefly about how both of my parents died of lung cancer and they too had quit smoking many years prior. I told him that even though COPD had "caught up" to his wife she was probably able to handle the disease better than she would have if she had never quit smoking. 

At that moment his face lit up.  "I quit smoking 29 years ago yesterday" he said smiling with his head held high. "Congratulations! I said surprised that he was still keeping track of the exact day that he quit smoking. 

As I said my goodbyes to the older gentlemen it dawned on me how significant it had been for this man to give up smoking during his lifetime. He had been married almost 50 years, he had been retired for 16, he was in the Navy for 3, he had 4 children and he had quit smoking 29 years ago...


As a society we need to start acknowledging that smoking is an addiction and that overcoming an addiction is not easy.  I think too often we tend to preach to smokers' about their risks and the ill effects on their body and in the process we lose sight of the fact that what they really need is our support.  I have yet to meet a smoker that has been uneducated about the health risks of smoking. How can you be in this day and age? Other factors take play; smoking becomes a habit, it's enjoyable for most, it's a stress reliever, it forms social connections you wouldn't have otherwise and most importantly it's addictive. 

We need to change our focus if we are going to help people quit smoking. Tips to remember: 

1. Let the smoker decide if, when and how they will quit smoking
2. Acknowledge that unless they live in a bubble they are probably well aware that smoking is not good for their health.

Ways in which you can help:

1. Help them identify their triggers for wanting a cigarette
2. Help them form new social connections or ways to connect with their smoking friends in other ways. 
3. Be sympathetic to the fact that they are giving up something they enjoy. 
4. Help them find other ways to relax in stressful situations. Without a replacement they will most likely crave a cigarette. 
5. Be mindful that this is an addiction and overcoming addictions takes time, courage, and patience. 
6. The more times a person quits smoking the more successful they will be. Encourage them to keep trying.

If you are not part of the solution then you're part of the problem.

"Did they smoke?"

This is the response I get every. single. time. I tell people that both of my parents died of lung cancer. Every time! I take a deep breath, I compose myself and simply answer "yes, they did." For a while I was so mentally drained from the grieving process that this is the only response I could muster up. I wanted to go into a 40 minute dissertation about the facts of lung cancer but it was too exhausting.  

Too exhausting? Who am I to complain about being too exhausted? Why? Because I have lost both of my parents to an illness that people refuse to acknowledge? How selfish of me.  What about the people that are still suffering from this disease? If I don't speak up about it who will?  I'm exhausted? Try being a patient with lung cancer.

I have a quote in the signature of my email that says "We are all responsible for any evil we could have prevented."  So true. It dawned on me that if I'm not part of the solution than that means I am contributing to the problem. It's time to change that.

I speak up now. I tell people about the environmental factors that my parents were exposed to during their lifetime that also contributed to their disease. I tell them that almost 1/4 of all people with lung cancer have never smoked. I tell them that my parents quit smoking a decade before they were diagnosed. I tell them that children get lung cancer and that radon causes lung cancer too.


If you want to know what you can do to help people that have been affected with lung cancer; stop the stigma. Be that one person that responds differently. Be the one person that says "I'm so sorry" when someone says that they or a loved one has been diagnosed with lung cancer. The point is that it doesn't matter if the person smoked or not. The point is that they are suffering and no one deserves to suffer.

Time to do something about it

Now that I have gone through the grieving process I have learned that I need to channel my raw, emotional energy into other areas of my life and somehow make a positive impact. Laying in bed trying to find the energy to fight away the tears isn't getting me anywhere.

I have started the non-profit. I'm still waiting on official paperwork for it to be "legit" but in every other sense of the word it has been started and we continue to gain momentum.

This isn't about my parents anymore. This is about all of the lung cancer patients and their families that feel as if they do not have a voice; literally and figuratively.

Lung cancer comes with a stigma. A stigma that has created a world where we just ignored the situation at hand. We put our hands over our eyes and plug our ears and just pretend it doesn't exist. Guess what? It does exist. It exists on every street corner in this country and it exists in a BIG way. Lung cancer is the largest killer of all the major cancers!  Why don't we hear about it? Because of a lack of funding. It is the least funded of all major cancers. Why? Because of the social stigma attached to the disease. As a society we view lung cancer as a smoker's disease. We shame smokers. We blame them for their illness. I personally feel as if it is a way for people to convince themselves that they are somehow invincible from getting lung cancer. It's a defense mechanism. An avoidance behavior. No one is invincible so you can keep the judgment to yourself.  Anyone can get lung cancer, including children. About 1/4 of all people diagnosed with lung have never smoked a day in their life!  That's concerning and it's proof that there are additional factors other than cigarettes that cause lung cancer. On the surface, we know this. Radon, Asbestos, environmental pollutants, etc all can cause or have an affect on lung cancer. True. The problem is that that is all we know. We don't have enough funding to dig deeper.

We need to change the stigma. We need to increase the funding and we need to do it fast! The survival rate for folks with lung cancer is less than 15%! That's grim. The sad part is that it has been that way for 40 years. Nothing has changed. Research hasn't changed, federal funding hasn't changed in over 40 years! Honestly people we can only look the other way for so long... it's time to take the hands off from our eyes and unplug our ears and do something about it.